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iexcelatnothing's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, May 4th, 2007 | | 1:10 am |
Colin Hanks in Orange County right now
There are two ways to look at life.
Actually, that's not accurate; I suppose there are thousands of ways to look at life. But I tend to dwell on two of them. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing in inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is the entire life itself. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it.
There are many mornings when I feel certain that the first perspective is irrefutably true: I wake up, I feel the inescapable oppression of the sunlight pouring through my bedroom window, an I am struck by the fact that I am alone. And that everyone is alone. And that everything I understood seven hours before has already changed as soon as I open my eyes, and that I have to learn everything again.
I guess I am not a morning person.
However, that feeling always passes. In fact, it's usually completely gone before lunch.Every new minute of every new day seems to vaguely improve. And I suspect that's because the alternative view- that everything is ultimately like somethign else and that nothing and no one is acting independantly- is probably the greater truth.The math does check out; the numbers do add up. The connections might not be hard-wired into the superstructure of the universe, but it feels like they are whenever a play a song froman iPod and everyone in the room/car/party suddenly seems to be having the same conversation. And in that last moment before I fall asleep each night, I understand Everything. The world is one interconnected machine, vibrating and and thriving as a flawless structure.
This is why I will always hate falling asleep.
| | Sunday, February 18th, 2007 | | 2:06 pm |
| | Saturday, January 27th, 2007 | | 4:17 pm |
Sweetness...would you believe this?
Sam: "You gotta hear this one song, it'll change your life I swear. "
Gold teeth and a curse for this town were all in my mouth.
Only, i don't know how they got out, dear.
Turn me back into the pet that i was when we met.
I was happier then with no mind-set.
And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree
And i'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.
New slang when you notice the stripes, the dirt in your fries.
Hope it's right when you die, old and bony.
Dawn breaks like a bull through the hall,
Never should have called
But my head's to the wall and i'm lonely.
And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree
And i'd a danced like the kind of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.
God speed all the bakers at dawn may they all cut their thumbs,
And bleed into their buns 'till they melt away.
I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?
And if you'd 'a took to me like
Well i'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.
Why did i just do that? Not really sure, maybe i keep listening to that song hoping it will suddenly and dramitically change my life. Maybe it is in fact, doign that. Just not as apparent or loud. Al of our lives chnage everyday, for good or worse. Some days the change comes out and hits us right in the face(like a major mistake we will never get back, a life altering desicion that we know is important before we even make it), or the change goes by without notice( like hearing a new song, indirectly meeting a new person, etc.). It is our choices whether or not to to take these changes and use them or not. ME= well im just a scared little bitch who is so frightened by change ,that it actually sometimes prevents me from doing my job of living. It is only when i realize my life has changed everyday for the past 17 years and im still here, still standing,still laughing,still having fun,still living....that i can close my eyes, go to sleep, and get ready for the next change.
| | Wednesday, January 17th, 2007 | | 11:47 pm |
28 days
i hope this entry starts a craze, the kind of lj that gets schteevin off his fuckin high horse. ask yourself this.....if you shut down for a few days, where does that leave everyone else. what the hell is going on anymore? i hate being the laziest human being ever. its so sad. every other day i think this to myself "it really would be in my best interest to smoke weed everyday. it would be good for my mind" but then i realize im way too lazy to actually do it.im too lazy to smoke weed. and i have to get a rela job in the next year...not good. i guess it will be easier to follow up on that next year in college but........ i should be going to a party school...instead im going to a catholic university. should be fun. i wish i had moved out to delco instead of south philly. i would of still went to neumann and had most of those friends, except i would of still been extremely close with swp kids (who all moved to delco). Monday was the day i realized i wil never be completely satisfied with myself until i am an actor. This feeling is terrifying. Couldent i had fallen in love with an occupation that isnt impossible to be successful at? i need to room with someone i know my first year in college.except justin pags. do you hear this sean!! and i know thats the one part of this entry your gonna comment on and just ignore the rest. being "too cool" isnt a fad anymore.its beyond that. its officially just the way of life. this town needs a wake up call. scratch that. it needs mouth- to- mouth resuscitation (yeah thats the right spelling...i googled it) | | Thursday, January 4th, 2007 | | 6:26 pm |
nothing goes on forever
But this was supposed to. This was the one thing that was supposed to never change. In just over a month, I will not be able to say "Well, at least The O.C. is a new episode tonight" To many this is just a television program being cancelled. To me, it is one of the many signals lately that childhood is almost over. | | Thursday, December 28th, 2006 | | 12:41 am |
| | Sunday, December 17th, 2006 | | 6:40 pm |
Enter the drums.............
I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends.
I don't know exactly what high school did to me, how it did it, or why it did it. All i know is........i love that it did it.
| | Wednesday, December 6th, 2006 | | 6:33 pm |
Remember when we were friends?
and here i go trying to take the serious edge off of livejournal - I beg for a time where episodes of 90210 are the highlight of my week and i not so patiently wait for the new spin doctors or pearl jam cd's. basically.........i want to be 16 in 1993 - We decorate our front lawns and put trees in our living rooms during Christmas. Are we sure a drunk man did not start this holiday? - I love Jimmy Gaffigan - Am I the only one who wishes everytime they entered a room, they had there own personal theme music just like a professional wrestler? Im having trouble picking what my song would be. If anyone who reads this wants to comment on a suggestion for my song or say what your own song would be....it would be appreciated. - Do you ever ask someone who you see everyday "what's up?" and they actually answer? I hate it. When i see you for the 4th time during the school day and i ask whats up i really dont want " Well last period was ok i feel asleep and i woke up not getting any of the notes and now im gonna fail that test. OOO and next period i got lunch but im gonna have to make due on only 3 bucks today but besides that nothing much" as a response. It is polite to just say "Nothing much dude ,yourself?". Don't worry...i will return the favor. - I just noticed recently that although i fuckin love T.V. i don't take it as seriously as other people. Have you ever seen some people argue about this? "yo dawg, CSI was crazy last night!"....."Are you fuckin serious?! CSI sucks, CSI maimi is soo much better!"......."Umm there basically the same thing."......"What are you a fuckin retard?! no there not! CSI maimi is in maimi!" "shit.....you're right." (btw...i dont watch CSI of any kind) -Has anyone ever really been raised by wolves? Cause that would be one hell of a memior!!!.....i mean if he could write. - It's official.....Paul's long blond lockes have gotten so ridiculous that they have a physical power over me. - No two words put together bring me as much excitement as "chicken cutlet" - Ok, im not saying that the trailer (the extended one you can find on the computer, not the one on t.v.. if you have not checked it out then go watch it on the comp.)for the new Will Smith film Pursuit of Happyness makes me cry but...........ok yeah I'm a little bitch. - I feel i did a service by hopefully settling down livejournal. Fuck Me . | | Sunday, November 19th, 2006 | | 3:02 pm |
uggghhh...to be young again
I got jumped last night in paker park. If soemone does not bring me down the shore for a day/2 day/ whatever trip then i am going to explode. | | Sunday, November 5th, 2006 | | 4:35 pm |
im every cliche(insert accent mark there)
I hate what im about to say because its really over-used and many times not true. But i truelly became another person this weekend. I had a girlfriend friday afternoon, by friday night i made out with 4 girls who werent that girlfriend. My girlfriend was in the same room. Saturday night i drank with two kids who were at least 3 years older then me. Juts us three drinking. Sunday (today) i went to the penrose with two stereotypical south philly italian girls. Just us three in the penrose talking gossip. A week ago i couldent imagine myself doing any of those things. Now.....its my life. People are looking at me differently now after Friday night's party.Not my real friends, they still know me. But its the casual friends who are talking to me like im a completely different person. It's what i have always wanted. But now that i have it its seems really wierd. Well, at least i still have those real friends who know i can be an alright guy. What i did was pathetic. She didn't desrve it. I didn't set out to do it or actually want to do it....but that doesn't excuse it. Sean thinks i am a dominatrix..................sean is smart. Bottom line: tommorow in school is going to be an adventure.  Story of my LIFE | | Wednesday, November 1st, 2006 | | 4:03 pm |
bottom line......they aint fresh azimiz
Luck ran out, they hoped that I'd be gone, stiff and rotten
Y'all just piss on me, shit on me, spit on my grave (uh)
Talk about me, laugh behind my back but in my face
Y'all some "well wishers," friendly actin, envy hidin snakes
With your hands out for my money, man, how much can I take?
--------- Nas the thinking that girls are catty and boys arent is dead wrong. well, at least from my experience. That old saying 'If you got soemthing to say then say it to my face' that we all shouted in grade school fights is a very naive statement. No one is ever gonna say to someone's face what they say behind there backs to 100% of the people the know. It may come close, but you will never be able to say your upfront with every single person you know. And im not expecting this from anyone either. What i do expect though is for guy friends to be just that....friends. For most guys around here, looking funny and cool in front of both girls and other guys is extremely higher on thier priorities then being a friend. And that plain ol sucks. This all ties into my recent discovery that it turns out this city isnt the thing i desperatly need to get awya from. It's just this neighborhood. South Philadelphia is only good for a handful of things. It is too closed in from the rest of our own city.It's good to know that wether i go far away to college or stay in the city......i still wont be in S.P.
i am a gang-star
| | Wednesday, October 4th, 2006 | | 2:12 pm |
theres no crying in the basement!
my dad just said to me,"i hate the person your becoming." that is by far the harshest thing he has ever stated to me.He is the one person in this world who i care if i dissapiont or not. I am too numb to even begin to describe how much that comment has effected me in just the 5 minutes since he said it. my mother and I's relationship is at a piont of no return. its sad but we have an un-spoken agreement that we should not utter more than a mere 2 sentences at a time to each other because otherwise it will turn into a shouting match. The last 10 minutes have been the most emotional i have ever had in my life. Part of me is blaming myself but another part of me is saying Fuck my parents. They are dissapionted in me because i come home late and drunk and i have no idea what i wanna major in or where i wanna go next year. Things could be worse. I could be worse. I could be on drugs, have a kid, gotten arrested. But no....im just a little confused. Excuse me , but arent you supposed to be confused when your 17? Fuck everyone who lied and said senior year was great. Seriously.......... | | Monday, October 2nd, 2006 | | 5:05 pm |
count the headlights on the highway
I had 5 tests today. I bombed all of them.I was in Sean O'neill's worst nightmare. Thank Tony Danza (there is no god) that Studio 60 is on tonight---WATCH IT!!!!!!!! Im really close to getting over the "fondness" that you all know me for.--good news right? I have never wanted to punch someone as much as i want to punch him now. Its sickening. The confidence is back where its supposed to be for me-------at a low level. I iwhs i was good at this Peace.Love.Alcohol problem. | | Saturday, September 30th, 2006 | | 6:49 pm |
| | Sunday, September 10th, 2006 | | 1:56 am |
chances are i love you
am i a fag for saying i want to be swept off my feet? prolly this year i have decided to make out with as many chicks as possible. basically, i have decided to become a regular 17 yera old | | Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 | | 1:13 am |
im so sorry for this
this is my 1st drunk livejournal entry so here i go.... what the hell am i gonna do down the shore? exactly...i am going to do nothing i have developed a little drinking problem and that isnt just a litlte joke.....i seriously drink/want to drink way too much I am not in love. I just ..oo man...i just really like her and if i had to opick any1 i know to spend a nigth with it would be her, but i really dont think i love her. I dont know what love is. the thing is that she teases me, and i want to punch a wall because of it Dalla sjust lost the nba title and i am really upset. A little too upset and i dont kno why. I WANT A FUCKING BIG MAC!!!!!!! Current Music: 3 doors down | | Friday, June 16th, 2006 | | 3:24 pm |
sweat shorts
I'm gonna let tom delonge do my talking I've been here before a few times And I'm quite aware we're dying And your hands they shake with goodbyes And I'll take you back if you'd have me So here I am I'm trying So here I am are you ready Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you Always Kiss you, taste you all night Always | | Saturday, June 3rd, 2006 | | 4:20 pm |
as i sit and strum on the guitar
some highlights from last night's party 1) lauren callan callign me gay all night -2) finally meeting katie nic -3)realizing that I have never felt this way about a girl before, and that that same girl likes assholes both in the same night - 4)paul saying " this sucks, ryan's mom wont let us go outside to beat them bitches up!!" - 5)sean being drunk.......he is one of the few people i enjoy both sober and drunk -6)old lady coming up to me and granato and grabbing our piture without us asking and coming back two minutes later with beer -7)the amazing dj (and im not talking rivera ahahha man im good!) -8)corey the hippy -9) tom falling in love with a 50 year old woman named linda -10) my air guitar routine during "Don't stop believing" and "Living on a prayer" has been stolen but most of all number 3 | | Thursday, June 1st, 2006 | | 8:01 pm |
365 days and counting
Today was so scary, and i can't even begin to imagine what the seniors felt like. The past 24 hours have really forced me to realize that I in fact....love high school. Scary but true. Few things of relevance have happened to me, or should I say "made for myself", over the past three years so I have to make up for it over the next year. Having a crush that tends to get with a lot of people is a lose/lose because if you dont get with them then it stays with you and becomes a nagging feeling but if you do get with them then you become just a notch on his/her belt and that could be a worse feeling then not getting with them. A year from now, I will finally be allowed to have a girlfriend. It really is one of the few things I think I might be good at...being a boyfriend I mean. Who knows. Anyway, its the only thing that I cant wait for after my post turning 18 days, having that 'Kev Cass can't have a girlfriend while enrolled in Neumann-Gorretti" label lifted off of me. Steven Bryson is having a nervous breakdown even though he has nothign to be scared of. I really thought M. Grady was going to bust into tears leaving Scavo's room today, even though she never had Scavo, thats how emotional it was. Is it sad that I already know what im gonna put next to my graduation picture in next years yearbook? Even so, it could never compare to Max Blum's very funny caption or D.J. Rivera's emo caption. Alkaline Trio is the most underrated band of the last 5 years. | | Wednesday, May 24th, 2006 | | 1:39 am |
If this is a sign of things to come.....then I am in for an excellent 3 months
As I sit here with Baba O'Reilly by The Who playing in the background (not on my computer, just as the soundtrack to my life)I realize that I have no contol of my life, just as a young Pope John Paul Duece didn't. Thanks Father Ron and your videos. Since Saturday, my life has been off the wall. I awoke Saturday for a meeting at Keenans. Thye are in desperate need for a mornign cook, so my mother accompanies me. Now, my mother and I will be working together Friday for Eggs With Peg, where Preston and Steve will be broadcasting their show live.Needless to say it will be packed and my mother will be overwhelmed while being yelled at by ScoTT Keenan. Should be fun! I then went to the Surf Haven and in a span of fifeteen minutes i talked to 10 people who were bombed,saw soem1 vomiting in a hallway, and wa slocked in a room. I felt a strong need to leave so i spent the rest of the day at Pat McGlone's condo with 4 couples. It was then boardwalk time. During that time i had a heavy duty makeout session with the epitome of a South Philly Italian girl. Kevin Cassidy cant do that. It will be the last time with me and her....contrary to popular belief. In the last coupel of days i have realized that I have about 2 or 3 secret crushes. This is so unusally for me, considering i usually have 0. I hate crushes. Today, I was infromed that the one crush who I know the least about but am the most intrigued with said soemthign about gettign with me to her friends. This is a bad sign. All that combined with some other things that are far out there have contributed to my wierd days lately. And you know what, Im lovign it. Its keepign me on my toes. Its makign life so much more enjoyable. I think the reason for this is that for the first time in a long time, I am not worrying about things or worrying about how much fun I am goign to have. I am just letting things happen, as wierd as they might be. This is a great idea to practice in the summer, and I strongly urge that those who do not already do this start to do it now.Its the summer, relax and let it flow.Sure, its scary suddenly letting your guard down, but it makes for a better time. I have many friends who are too orginized and planned. I am too that to an extent, but i am thinking the next three months will change that for the better. My lunch table needs to be mentioned. Its nothign short of amazing. There is laughter and every kind of tension you can imagine: angry tension, sexual tension( she is picking me), racial tension, and food tension.Steven says something out his ass every day, and its what is expected. James eats for the first and only time all day.Sean sits and takes notes while sayignto himself "Mwhahah....these foolish people are so beneath me". Tom hates that Steven and Sara sit at our table. With a passion. Paul is constantly posing for the camera waiting for us to tlak about computers, all while sittign a little too close to Sara. And then there is Sara, who is frightened by us, by really enjoys it.She is in love with some1 at the table. WE just have to figure out who it is. This has ben far too long, but i thank you if you read the whole thing. OO and one last thing....Memorial Day Weekend sucks, it always does. |
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